How To Be A Better Lover

how to be a better lover

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Healthy relationships are based on effort, mutual respect, and dedication. Whether you’ve just been dating your spouse for a few months or married for years. While you most likely felt an immediate and effortless connection when you first met, it takes effort to keep that spark alive as your relationship progresses and evolves. There is no better place to start than this article when it comes to being a better lover.

What are the excellent qualities of a lover?

Considering that no human being is flawless, finding an approachable and open-minded lover may greatly benefit in creating an everlasting relationship. When a partner is open-minded, they can be straightforward in expressing their feelings and desires. This helps you get to know them deeper and understand them better. Additionally, their willingness to be transparent is a sign of their passion for personal development, and it frequently adds to the growth or level of the romantic connection. Other qualities a good lover has are:

Newly weds sitting down and affectionate
Love wins every time

1.  A sense of humor

A sense of humor is essential in a romantic partner. In a relationship, having a sense of humor may be beneficial. It is crucial to laugh at oneself and one’s follies to have the proper perspective when dealing with sensitive situations involving a relationship. Playful and teasing couples can frequently diffuse potentially tense situations with their sense of humor.

A good sense of humor may help alleviate the tension that might arise in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life a lot less difficult to bear. Apart from that, having a good laugh with someone we care about is one of life’s greatest pleasures.

couple with a sense of humor
Life is so much easier with a sense of humor…

2. Affection

The ideal partner is effortlessly loving and receptive on various levels, including physical, emotional, and verbal responses. They are personable and acknowledge and express sentiments of warmth and love in an overtly expressive manner. This individual should relish the intimacy of sexual encounters and be unafraid of speaking and receiving affection and pleasure. Being open to giving and receiving affection adds a poignant sensation to our lives when we are available to both.

3.  Empathy

The perfect partner observes and perceives their companion on an intellectual, observational, and emotional, intuitive level. This individual can understand and sympathize with their spouse at the same time. Understanding is achieved when individuals in a relationship are aware of the similarities between them and the differences that they acknowledge and respect about one another. When both parties are empathetic, capable of talking with emotion, and regard the other person’s goals, attitudes, and values, each partner feels validated and understood. Developing our ability to empathize with our spouses allows us to better comprehend and relate to them.

4. Independence and respect

Ideal couples are interested in each other’s interests and their own. They have a positive attitude toward and support each other’s long-term ambitions in life. They are attentive to each other desires and needs. Ideal couples are considerate of one another and sensitive to their needs. In no way do they attempt to exert control over one another by threatening or manipulative conduct. They need to be mindful of their partner’s different personal limits while being physically and emotionally close to each other. Knowing our partners as distinct individuals is only possible when we place a high value on and respect their sovereign ideas. Refrain from attempting to alter them.

couple on bicycles holding hands
Pursue your own hobbies and interests solo or together

5. Integrity and honesty

The ideal partner understands the necessity of honesty in a close relationship and strives to be one. Honesty fosters mutual respect and trust amongst people. Dishonesty causes the other person to become confused, exposing their vulnerability and breaking their sense of reality. Nothing is more harmful than dishonesty and lying when it comes to a personal connection between two individuals.

However, even in the most traumatic instances, such as adultery, the evident deceit involved is frequently as, if not more, terrible than the act of infidelity itself. The ideal partner aspires to live a life of Integrity. It holds true for all forms of communication, both verbal and nonverbal. Being open and honest in our most personal interactions necessitates a thorough understanding of oneself and one’s aims. Although this might be tough, it is an effort that should get made.

Related Article: Relationships That Work Do Not Dwell On The Past.

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How can l be a better lover in a relationship?

You will not be able to build a healthier and longer-lasting relationship until you first improve your relationship skills. Changing oneself first is essential if you want changes in your relationship. The power to control and modify yourself will allow you to lead and encourage progress in your relationship. 

People are social beings, and developing the skills to be a better partner necessitates the presence of a strong support network. When you spend quality time with your loved ones, you form bonds that help to enhance the link between you. Show your partner that you do not just care about them, but you also care about what and who they care about. 

couple in lingerie being affectionate
Great sexual connection is the secret sauce to being an amazing lover

The first step toward being a better lover is to feel at ease in your partner’s company. Learning to be a good partner in a relationship is only possible when you are comfortable being vulnerable with no fear of being judged or criticized. In an emotionally healthy relationship, you may freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and needs. Then you embrace your spouse for who they are without judging them.

You can also learn how to communicate better to be a better lover. Communication is about more than simply talking. The ability to listen deeply will allow your spouse to feel heard and understood. Make direct eye contact with them, provide a nonverbal response, and pay attention to what they are saying. Be open and welcoming of others. Try to be empathetic rather than becoming your partner’s harshest critic. Listen to your partner’s point of view without passing judgment on it. In your relationship, you’re relating to your spouse and creating trust. Concentrate on developing practical relationship skills such as dispute resolution. Being present for your spouse, and recognizing nonverbal clues from your partner.

Ten simple tips to be a better lover

Most of the time, maintaining your relationship is considered just another chore to check off our never-ending list of tasks and responsibilities. The modest, persistent routines help to keep your relationship strong over time. The ten easy techniques below will enhance your relationship and make it enjoyable, engaging, and something to look forward to each time you use them.

To be a better lover:

1.  Be honest

Being truthful is not a one-time act; instead, it is a discipline that must get maintained over time. You cannot simply promise your spouse that you will not lie again – you must be able to demonstrate this to them. One of the most problematic habits to eradicate is the practice of lying. If you want to be a better lover for your significant other:

  1. Make it a point, to be honest with yourself regularly until it becomes second nature.
  2. Make every effort not to tell a falsehood, no matter how insignificant.
  3. Keep in mind that lying might become addictive.

It is preferable to be hooked to truth rather than to misconceptions.

how to be a better lover
2. Try to understand your partner’s perspective.

Simple in principle, yet challenging to put into practice. Whenever we become emotionally engaged in hearing our partner admit that we were correct or when we are adamant about altering their point of view, conversations quickly devolve into disputes. Instead of waiting for your significant other to yield, choose to approach a conversation as a chance to grasp their point of view better. From this vantage point, we can have an intriguing discussion without an explosion or endless frustration.

3. Dig deep

In most arguments, we communicate from the “top layer,” characterized by overt emotions such as wrath, frustration, and other feelings of irritation. Leading from this position can result in uncertainty and defensiveness, and it can eventually divert attention away from the genuine problem. Make a conscious effort to communicate from your “bottom layer,” which comprises the sentiments that genuinely motivate your behaviors. This language style elicits an immediate sense of Empathy since it necessitates honesty and vulnerability on the speaker’s part to communicate from this location.

4. Spend time together without electronics

Eliminating technology from your life from time to time is a terrific approach to offering your significant other your whole focus. You and your partner should spend some time together away from technology since there is no disputing how distracting it can be. During your date night, make it a rule that no mobile phones are allowed, or leave devices in the next room as you enjoy your morning coffee together. You and your partner can offer each other the care and concern you deserve by spending time together without the overbearing distraction of technology.

lovers outdoors in the bush
Chase peace and tranquility once in a while
5.  Tell your partner you love them

The early phases of a relationship are characterized by butterflies in the stomach and frequent verbal adoration. As time goes on, the butterflies tend to flutter away, as do the “I love you because…” messages. Of course, it’s normal for things to not be quite as “lovey-dovey” as they were when you first met, but don’t completely abandon all verbal Affection. Tell your partner how much you love them regularly, but don’t stop there! Inform them as to why you adore them.

6. Check on each other

Regardless of how long or short it is, it always starts with asking each other what worked and what didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to make things better the following week. Additionally, take advantage of this chance to get on the same page with your schedules, arrange a date night, and discuss what you would want to happen in your relationship in the following days, weeks, and months. Unmet demands and anger might accumulate in the absence of a scheduled appointment to take the temperature of the situation.

7. Find things to appreciate about your partner

This one is simple since it is something that can get spoken as well as kept to oneself. Every day, make an effort to think about at least one positive characteristic about your spouse. Better yet, tell them yourself. If your partner brings you breakfast in bed, express your gratitude by telling them how much you value this gesture. Telling your partner how much you appreciate the things they do is the best sort of encouragement there can be. Reminding yourself of the time your partner puts in the things they do for you can undoubtedly assist you in those instances when they are grating on your nerves a little more than usual.

couple jamming to music and having a good time
Be each other’s best friends
8.  Speak up

It’s natural to believe that our spouse understands us well enough to avoid having to ask for what we want. What occurs as a result of making this supposition? Expectations are raised and then rapidly dashed as the situation unfolds. When our expectations are not realized, we may begin to doubt the long-term durability of our partnership and connection. Remember that “asking for what you want” can refer to anything from emotional needs to anything in between.

9. Allow yourself to grow

To be a better partner, you must first strive to be a better person in general. As a result, don’t simply concentrate on growing your romantic abilities and skills; additionally, work on boosting your qualities and attitude. And by that, I mean not just be the sweetest romantic partner you can be, but also be the kindest and loving partner you can be by learning how to be considerate towards yourself. 

10. Do the things that got you your partner

The more the months and years go by, the more likely we will slink into our figurative sweatpants and get complacent in our relationship due to our loss of tolerance and tenderness, our consideration, understanding, and the overall effort we formerly put out toward our partner. Think of the first year of your relationship and list all the things you used to do to make your spouse feel special. Now it’s time to get back to work.

Don’t skip out on that couple’s massage session


We all want to be in healthy relationships, but we were never taught what it means to be a good lover. If you seek strategies to improve your relationship with your partner, being communicative and proactive are essential. Don’t allow yourself to become a slave to ego and arrogance. Break away from them and begin to be modest in your relationship with your lover. Be willing to acknowledge that you, as a person, have shortcomings, just as everyone else does.

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S'tha Maz

S'tha Maz

I'm passionate about spreading positivity, and inspiration so that l can help others reach their greatest potential. I believe that we all owe it to ourselves to live a meaningful life and live it well. I am a naturally curious person, favour my creative side of thinking, and enjoy researching new topics and motherhood. I hope you find my digital storytelling intriguing and inspiring. I started WatuDaily to serve as a go-to source for families on various topics such as (home & living, travel, lifestyle, and wellness/success). – B Business – Financial Planning (RMIT)


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